“We are never so defenseless against suffering as when we love.”
— Sigmund Freud
When I work with individuals, a common issue that is brought into our sessions is their romantic relationship (or lack thereof). I am being told secondhand about a person that brings the most joy or the most anger out of them. Or the empty seat next to them on the sofa is really empty, filled only with ghosts of exes or a mythical person that is not yet attained, but already has the power to make everything alright.
With couples’ work however, I am able to witness in the flesh, a partnership that is no longer functioning. It’s very rare when I see a couple that is not on the brink of breaking up. Why do we wait so long to seek help when our relationship is having problems? Perhaps out of denial, perhaps from optimism. Let’s face it, talking about your most intimate relationship in front of a perfect stranger can be really uncomfortable. “What the hell is someone we don’t know going to tell us that we don’t already know?!” I’ve heard that one. “She’s going to be on your side because she’s a woman and I’m just going to get teamed up on!” is another common fear.
I want you to know, I don’t take sides. What I help with is getting you two to have insight into what is going on. Using attachment theory coupled with psychodynamic therapy, I try to identify patterns that are occurring in order to create a safer space for healthy dependence. We’ll explore why the person that you love is driving you bananas and how maybe, just maybe, you’re not making it any easier. It is especially important to get to the root of the problem, usually stemming from early childhood attachments. Finances, sex, jealousy, anger, friends, family, values, children, career- it’s all taking a toll on you. Together, we can work towards getting you back to happy, whatever that may be.
I work with straight, lesbian, and gay partnerships.